Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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