so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
