glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
