eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
