Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
