worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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