How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
