JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
