Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
