Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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