omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
