butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
