Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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