I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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