look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
