my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
