My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
