Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
