your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
