just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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