i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
