i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Found the puke drawer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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