After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
