Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
