Kiss
Puke
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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