I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
