There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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