i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
