i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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