She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
