U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
