So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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