I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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