So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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