I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
