FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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