She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
