If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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