distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
