If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
