BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
