How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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