I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
