3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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