You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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