she was so not down for the gang bang
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
