well I can't set my house on fire every night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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