I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Help. Why am I so naked?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
