Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
