Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
