So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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