He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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