you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
