Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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