sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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