You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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