you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
