He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
smell my finger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
