Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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