I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
