I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
