What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
