Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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