I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
