My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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