I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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