Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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