I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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