so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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