hell yes lets make some ravioli
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
