I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
