I'm jealous of your bromance
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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